


The Ruritanian Rodent Affair.

by malfoible



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Fun, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 12:00:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5743060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malfoible/pseuds/malfoible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Illya finds Napoleon's Achilles heel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ruritanian Rodent Affair.

Solo had come round first, he rubbed the large bump on his head.  
He looked over at his partner slumped on the floor beside him and reached over to feel for a pulse.  
Illya was unconscious but alive. Solo stood and stretched, looking around the room. 

A dungeon, really, well this was a first, since becoming a spy he had been locked in many different rooms, but a dungeon, this was different.

A lamp stood on a table together with a bowl of water, so they were prisoners, but being kept alive, at least for now.  
He picked up the lamp and walked round the room, stone walls cold running with damp, a heavy wooden door with enormous brass hinges, things moved, scuttling away from the light, rats, he hated rats. 

He returned to Illya.  
It was unfortunate that they had both been captured, he had lost track of the times, he had saved Illya or Illya had rescued him.

Solo dipped his handkerchief in the bowl of water and pressed it on his partner’s forehead.

“Come,Peril, wakey, wakey, no time for napping.”

The big guy stirred, mumbling.

“Did you hit me Cowboy?”

“Not guilty, a bunch of ugly thugs jumped us, we were doing quite well until one of them hit you with what looked like a mallet.”

The Russian groaned, stood and as Solo had done before him, picked up the lamp and walked round the room tapping walls and checking out the door.  
The noise of the rats running away from the light had Solo’s nerves jangling, he shivered.

Illya noticed, “Afraid of a little rat, Cowboy? In Russia we roast them over the fire and eat them.”

The appalled look on Napoleon’s face made him carry on.  
“Only joking, we slice them and pickle them in Vodka.”

Solo still looked disgusted so Illya moved closer.

“Still joking, you Americans have no sense of humor.”  
He let out a loud guffaw of noise and Solo stared at him. Was he laughing?   
This was the first time he had ever seen the big guy laugh. He couldn’t help smiling.  
If Illya was making jokes then things mustn’t be as bad as they seemed.

Illya bent and began undoing the laces on his shoes.

“What are you doing? Are you undressing? Why are you undressing? You’re not feeling sexy are you Peril?  
Because I’m not sure I would be up for it, you know, because we’re trapped in a dirty, dank, rat filled dungeon.”

Illya stood and wrapped an arm round Solo’s waist pulling him close.

“I’m sure that if I wanted to I could make you forget about the dirt and the damp and even the rats.”  
He lifted Napoleon’s chin and kissed him passionately, over and over.  
When he was done, leaving Solo slightly dazed, he bent and picked up a shoe.

“But I wasn’t thinking about sex. I was thinking we should escape.” 

“And your shoe would help us how?”

“You are never prepared. We Russians are prepared for everything.”  
He slid open the heel of the shoe and pulled out a small metal box, he opened it and handed Solo a small bunch of skeleton keys.

“Here these are yours and if they don’t work I have this.”

He pulled out a slim tube and began twisting and turning it until a light glowed on one end.

“ Mark Three Laser”

Solo took the keys and began working the lock.

The door was soon open and they moved carefully up the stairs into the main part on the castle.  
They only met one guard and he was soon dealt with.  
They now had a gun, and they moved quickly through the castle taking down any thugs they met.  
They headed to the garage and Solo managed to get a car started.   
They sped through the country roads before many of their captors even knew they were gone.

Back at the hotel Illya took a shower then reported to Waverley.

Solo poured a glass of champagne and took it into the bathroom.  
He filled the bath with scented bubbles and sank into it with a sigh, ready to wash away the grime and all thoughts of rats.  
He hummed to himself, sipping the champagne and letting the water warm and soothe him.  
The door opened, he looked up into his partner’s eyes.

“I am feeling sexy now Cowboy.” Illya turned and walked back into the bedroom. “And if you don’t hurry I shall begin without you.”

Solo finished the champagne and reached for a towel, after all, how could he deny the man who had saved him from the rats.


End file.
